Everyone, Neil!
by pherjuggles
Summary: Robin Scherbatsky recently started her job at SHIELD, but Barney's not happy, and it's making him feel a little horrible...
1. Chapter 1

_Kids, it was spring of 2012 when your Aunt Robin got a new job, but we'll get to that later._

"Hey, have you ever thought about how suits come in different forms?" said Ted crossing the room into to get a beer from the fridge.

"Yeah sure," said Marshall on the couch with Lily (as usual) "I mean like scrubs must be business casual for doctors, and those weird pharmacist jackets that are just oddly long with pockets in weird places, I guess they're-"

"Challenge accepted!" Shouted Barney bursting through the door. It was a Saturday night, the gang was coming over for a movie and then down to Maclaren's. Barney, who had obviously been listening through the door, continued "I will get a woman to have sex with me whilst wearing a pharmacist lab coat. Coat, Ted, it's obviously not a suit, c'mon."

"Where's Robin?" Lily asked to no one in particular. No one had seen Robin since Wednesday.

"I'll call" Said Ted, walking to the phone. He dialed. Maybe she was in Canada, he thought, thinking that she should've called. He dialed the phone on the 4th ring she picked up.

"Hello? Ted?"

"Hi Robin, where are you? It's kind of noisy right now. Are you coming?"

"Sorry Ted, I have to work late tonight and I won't be home."

"But wait, where are you?" Said Ted. Lily, Marshall, and Barney steadily became more attentive to the conversation, all wondering what was keeping Robin; she almost never missed group things.

"I'm kind of on a plane, and it's complicated, I have to go, projects to complete, notes to assemble." She hung up. Ted looked at the phone and put it down. "She's not coming guys." He said in a passive voice, as if he was expecting this to happen.

"She really hasn't been around since she started that new job." Said Lily. Marshall agreed, "What does she do exactly? At her job I mean…" He asked.

Barney gave a quick look of concern, but immediately switched back to disinterest as if catching himself. "Yeah," he said shifting awkwardly in his chair, "What does S.H.I.E.L.D. even do?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Kids, remember how I told you about how we all had doppelgangers? Moustache Marshall, Stripper Lilly, Robot Wrestler Ted, well, in February of 2012, Robin's doppelganger changed her life and everyone else's forever._

_You see, Robin's Doppelganger, Lesbian Robin (whose real name was Maria Hill,) had just gotten a job offer from an agency called SHIELD. Little did she know that this job might not be hers for the taking._

Robin walked out of her apartment on a cloudy afternoon. She was on her way to MacLaren's to get a drink with the guys. Things with her and Barney had been pretty awkward and confusing, but at the moment she was single.

A black limo pulled up next to her, and a man wearing sunglasses poked his head out of the window. "Maria? Get in the car." He said.

Robin looked around; everyone else was walking fast and didn't even seem to notice.

"Maria. Get in the car." He repeated. "Don't worry; we know."

"I'm not Maria, I'm Robin. Robin Scherbatsky? I'm on the news."

"Maria, get in the car, you are surrounded."

Robin made a little squeak in the back of your throat and looked around at the people in black suits around them, many of them carrying guns. They were in their pockets, but she could still see them. She looked around a second time and then proceeded to get in the limo. The ride was silent.

SHIELD HEADQUARTERS 1800 hours

"What the hell did you do, Coulson?" Nick Fury shouted, the vein in his neck popping out.

"I'm sorry sir… " Said Agent Phil Coulson "I didn't know we had the wrong person; this Robin person looks very similar to the real Maria Hill."

"Yeah, that's true, but you still made a stupid-ass mistake. Go fix it. I'm going to let you off the hook because you look pretty fucking sad."

"Thank you sir," said Phil meekly. He knew he could've lost his job over this. He had to talk to Robin. Walking towards the elevator he passed Agent Romanoff. 'Don't look, don't look, don't look, don't look.' He said to himself.

"Hey, Coulson! I heard something happened with this new Maria Agent."

"Natasha, please keep this a secret. I'm assuming Clint knows, but don't tell anyone else."

"Oooh, Natasha, that means it's serious, so what's wrong, is she a spy?"

"Leave me alone." Said Phil while walking onto the elevator. Natasha (of course) followed him.

"So, what's the problem, is she out of shape? Was her profile wrong? Is she old?"

"Natasha, leave me alone." Coulson did NOT want her to bug him about this forever. The elevator doors opened. They walked down the hallway and opened the door, Robin was sitting on the bed.

"What am I doing here?" Said Robin, "I should be able to see a lawyer; you can't keep me here against my will." Natasha was holding back laughter in the corner.

"We have a job offer for you, 4 million dollars per year. If you don't accept we will have to relocate you."

"What the hell? You can't do that, I have rights!" 'Shit' She thought. 'What the hell am I going to do. Who are these people?' Suddenly a tall black man came in. He looked kind of like a Bond villain.

"Ms. Scherbatsky," He said, "we would like to formally offer you a position as an agent at SHIELD, it will pay well, and we will find a replacement for your normal job. You would serve the world. Robin, the world needs you."

"What makes you think I'm qualified?"

"We understand you know how to handle a gun…"


	3. Chapter 3

_Kids, in the spring of 2012, your Aunt Robin had a new job, and everything was going well. At the moment, she was in the middle of recruits…_

"Yeah, so Steve Rogers is really hot."

They were in MacLaren's, Lily, Marshall, Ted, Barney, and of course, Robin, the superhero. She wasn't actually a superhero, she just thought herself to be one. It felt nice and had a certain ring to it.

"Tell us more about that Stark guy" Said Lily, reaching for her beer; she thought his moustache sounded manly and perfect.

"So, he's a super hot billionaire…" Barney zoned out. How could she talk like this so passionately about people of the opposite sex; that was his job! He felt like crap. He knew he loved her, and the fact that she was away so much of the time at this new job was getting him down: he'd been wearing this stupid lab coat for days, and he was off his game, his job was just average at the moment, and Ted had some stupid new girlfriend. If Ted can feel happy, than why did Barney have to feel miserable? "…So long story short, he caught the fish and decided to invite me over to his house!"

"Robin, we're so happy for you." Said Marshall placing a perfect jalapeno popper on his palate.

"…AND, I saved the best part for last, he said all of you could come for a tour of Stark Tower and his workshop on Saturday!"

"AAAAAAAAH! We're going to meet Iron Man!" Shouted Marshall, jumping up from excitement, "Oh, I have to choose my clothes and buy some Gouda to bring over!"

Everyone was excited, they were going to meet Tony Stark, the world famous genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Everyone that is, except for Barney. It was Saturday, and everyone had piled into Ranjit's limo for the occasion, and Marshall, of course, brought his Gouda.

They were in the elevator and Barney wasn't happy. He pictured this as the house of a smarmy know it all bastard who has more sex than he does. But boy was he wrong. He was a super smarmy super-genius asshole who has so much more sex than Barney ever has or ever will.

"Hey, 'Maria' welcome to the house."

"Wow, Tony, this is amazing. It's so big and tall and handsome."

"We're still talking about the house right?"

Robin giggled; she never giggled. Barney was furious.

"It's not that great." Barney muttered to Ted who didn't know what to say.

"Woah, we've got ourselves a heckler. Horrible line by the way, if you wanted to say something bad, make it interesting, doctor. I'm guessing you're a Doctor by your get up; either that or a meth cooker."

"Robin, Iron Man, Iron Man, thinks Barney is as skivy as we do."

"Let's have some dinner." Said Tony, strolling towards the couch, muttering to Jarvis..

They were sitting around the table with a giant meal around them (the gouda prominently placed of course), but also with fine wines and giant pieces of fancy meat. Lily was very excited.

"So, uh, Mr. Stark?"

"Tony, call me Tony, we're all friends here." Lily gave an inward shriek as if saying 'he's famous and he talked to me.'

"So, uh, _Tony_, are you, uh dating anyone, a handsome guy like you?" She gave a nervous snort. Marshall would've seemed more worried and threatened if he wasn't in IRON MAN'S HOUSE. Everyone was freaking out.

"Um, actually, I just broke it off with my friend Pepper…"

"Broke it off, more like she broke up with you, haha, haha, am I right, Robin, high-five" Said Barney.

"Wow, you're jokes are bad. You must have a PhD in horribleness or something."

Barney was pissed off. As they left, he nicked a pair of goggles and gloves off of stupid Tony's desk. 'Balls.' He thought to himself as they walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**First off, I'm sorry I haven't made a new chapter in a really long time :\**_  
_

**I'll be better now. I'm really sorry.**

_Kids, in the fall of 2012 your aunt Robin was working at a top-secret organization called S.H.E.I.L.D. Over the summer she accomplished a lot, saving the world once or twice with the Avengers. There were sad moments, there were great moments, and then there were confusing moments like parties at Tony Stark's house._

_You see, kids, Tony and Steve Rogers had been going strong for a few months now, and everything was going well, until a certain victory over Doctor Doom…_

Tony Stark walked up to the center of the room, raising his glass and winking at Robin. "Well, we did it; we beat a man with a name so ridiculous that no one dared to team up with him. Here's to the Avengers!" Tony flashed one of his award winning smiles, as everyone politely clapped "Now, who wants some shwarma?"

As the people lined up for food, Steve walked up to Tony "I saw that," he said.

"Saw what?"

"The way you winked at Maria,"

"It meant nothing" Said Tony, putting his arms around Steve, "It was just some harmless flirtation."

"But it's not fair to me, Tony, I love you, and I can't stand it when you go back to your constant flirting."

Tony felt really guilty. He loved Steve too, he just couldn't stop his actions. He wished they were alone so that they could talk, but he needed to entertain guests. "Could we talk about this later?" He finally responded.

On the other side of the room, Barney was talking to Ted; Barney and Robin had been dating again for the past few months, and Barney was elated. He was finally with Robin, the girl that he'd been thinking about for 7 years.

"Did you see that?" said Barney.

"See what?" answered Ted.

"The way that Tony winked at Robin."

"It probably meant nothing;" said Ted, taking a bite of his shwarma "jus sum 'armless flir'ation."

"Gross Ted."

Ted wiped his mouth with a napkin, "Look, if you think you should talk to Robin, then you should."

"No, I just think it's not fair, I gave up all of my flirting for her."

"Barney, it was much more than flirting, you tricked two women into sleeping with you by…"

"Look at him," said Barney as Tony walked closer. "Look at his smug little 'I can have all the women I want' face. Ugh, people like that disgust me."

A few hours later, the party was winding down, Clint and Natasha left, Thor and Marshall were tossing a football around outside while Lily ogled from afar, Bruce went home to his lab, Fury left, Ted and Barney headed back to MacLaren's, and Steve was heading up to bed, and everyone else was long gone.

Tony and Robin were alone in the main room. Tony looked at her "you look great." He said grabbing her hand.

"So do you…" They were close now, Tony put his arm around her and pulled her closer, she began to resist, but gave in after half a second, locking lips with Tony. They both enjoyed it, finally releasing each other. They looked at each other for a second, when Barney's girl felt a pang of sharpness in her gut as she looked around to see Steve Rogers.

"What the hell is going on here?"


End file.
